I have complied my second batch of humor of Lawyer Jokes with a little break in seriousnes of this blog. Listed below is group of Q&A in humor form, Enjoy
Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: A party.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.
Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A: Just say, "Fees!"
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.
Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.
Showing posts with label lawyers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lawyers. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Lawyer Humor Time
From time to time i will post some lawyer related humor that I find on the web to break out of doom and glooms. I found nice nice lawyer humor site at http://www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/lawyer.htm and thought to share a few jokes here. Enjoy!
TRUST ME... I'M A LAWYER
Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."
QUICKFIRE LAWYER GAGS
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips move
TRUST ME... I'M A LAWYER
Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."
QUICKFIRE LAWYER GAGS
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips move
Q: What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honour.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they are all nice guys
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of crap?
A: a bucket
A MOST UNUSUAL DEFENCE
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Its me again. Please leave a comment of any new humors or a link to funny lawyer sites.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Mesothelioma Lawyer: Getting Whats Best For You
If you are reading this blog, there is a chance that either you or a loved one is in search of a Mesothelioma lawyer. My aim is to help give you gain some confidence by building guidelines so that your work can becomes easy and you can be more informed on different ways for selecting a mesothelioma lawyer.
There are several important issues to consider while choosing a Mesothelioma lawyer
The first and most important qualification to look for in your mesothelioma lawyer is experience. You need a tough Mesothelioma lawyer that is accomplished at pushing forth, convincing arguments through the judicial system so that you can be adequately represented and compensated. It might be a good idea to check how many cases this Mesothelioma lawyer has recently handled and what were the outcomes of these cases.
Next important thing is to get a feel of the lawyer’s ability to understand, empathize and recount your story. Mesothelioma lawyers have to be very convincing in proving to the courts beyond a shadow of doubt that your work related asbestos exposure is responsible for your physical, mental and financial plight.
You will need to provide your Mesothelioma lawyer with all the facts such as employee records that will show the evidence of your asbestos exposure, scientific and medical evidence of your cancer diagnosis (such as x-rays and pathology reports) to substantiate your case.
Another very important consideration is the cost. Remember, costs are not necessarily a yardstick of quality. My suggestion is to carefully balance the experience of the Mesothelioma lawyer with the affordability of the fees. If costs are an issue, you should be some additional ways to save. You could ask for a junior mesothelioma lawyer or paralegal for the basic and routine tasks, or you might even consider doing some of the work and researches yourself.
Ask your lawyer to outline of the whole process of how the case will roll out. You need to understand clearly on what will be your role and responsibilities in the legal process. You should be completely focused on your purpose of retribution. Some mesothelioma lawyers also work on a contingent fee basis on what they receive a part of the compensation as the fee and do not charge any fee if you do not win your case.
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There are several important issues to consider while choosing a Mesothelioma lawyer
The first and most important qualification to look for in your mesothelioma lawyer is experience. You need a tough Mesothelioma lawyer that is accomplished at pushing forth, convincing arguments through the judicial system so that you can be adequately represented and compensated. It might be a good idea to check how many cases this Mesothelioma lawyer has recently handled and what were the outcomes of these cases.
Next important thing is to get a feel of the lawyer’s ability to understand, empathize and recount your story. Mesothelioma lawyers have to be very convincing in proving to the courts beyond a shadow of doubt that your work related asbestos exposure is responsible for your physical, mental and financial plight.
You will need to provide your Mesothelioma lawyer with all the facts such as employee records that will show the evidence of your asbestos exposure, scientific and medical evidence of your cancer diagnosis (such as x-rays and pathology reports) to substantiate your case.
Another very important consideration is the cost. Remember, costs are not necessarily a yardstick of quality. My suggestion is to carefully balance the experience of the Mesothelioma lawyer with the affordability of the fees. If costs are an issue, you should be some additional ways to save. You could ask for a junior mesothelioma lawyer or paralegal for the basic and routine tasks, or you might even consider doing some of the work and researches yourself.
Ask your lawyer to outline of the whole process of how the case will roll out. You need to understand clearly on what will be your role and responsibilities in the legal process. You should be completely focused on your purpose of retribution. Some mesothelioma lawyers also work on a contingent fee basis on what they receive a part of the compensation as the fee and do not charge any fee if you do not win your case.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Why Would You Need An Auto Accident Lawyer
Automobiles accidents can lead to serious injuries and your car may totaled beyond repairs. A large percentage of auto accidents are caused by negligence and recklessness of drivers. Some are due to intoxication or drug influenced drivers. Currently auto crashes while on cell phone or texting accidents are on the rise. Some are caused by poorly designed roads and improper traffic signals. It can also be caused by a defective vehicle or tire.
It is important, in times of auto accidents, to know how to react in order to protect your rights and to make sure that you do not make errors that can end up costing you a lot of money. There are certain things that you should take to stay in control with the situation. When you are involved in an auto accident, do not leave the scene of the accident because it is against the law and it will be difficult to know who cause the accident. Get medical attendance right away. If there is already a police, you need to make an official report so you are protected with your legal rights in the future. Also, you can write down important details such as the names, phone numbers, license plate numbers and addresses of the other persons involved in the accident with you or who has witnessed the accident. Many people Have cell phone with camera, if possible, you can take pictures of the auto accident scene. Never, never discuss the accident with anybody at the scene of the accident other than your auto accident lawyers.
In today’s fast paced world auto accidents occur too frequently. There are different consequences. Majority results are minor property claims. Some car accidents result in substantial property damage, serious personal injury or death. The instantaneous aftermath of a serious auto accident are simply overwhelmed by the barrage of telephone calls, insurance paperwork, accident reports, treatment costs, medical bills, paperwork and other correspondence that are received immediately after an auto accident. It is almost unworkable for someone who has been severely injured and in the process of recovering to delve into this mass of paperwork, procedures and deadlines. Most of the time, while victims are under treatment for their injuries, the insurance companies are trying to mitigate their damages through personal injury payout or auto accident settlement. As a result of these instantaneous aftermaths, car accident victims do not receive reasonable compensation to which they are entitled hence the need to hire am auto accident lawyer.
Personal injuries can range from minor to critical state. As a result, this involves hospitalization, therapy, ongoing medical visits and loss of income. These things can be recovered through the assistance of skilled auto accident lawyers. Insurance companies usually defend accident cases. Their goal is to make and accumulate as much money as possible then pay the victem as little as they can get away with. On the other hand, an experienced auto accident lawyer uses his knowledge and expertise for the client’s advantage. Auto accident lawyers are the most credible persons to advice you of your legal rights and options and defend you in your legal battles. You should get the services of an auto accident lawyer early on in order to be enlightened and be assured of your case.
It is important, in times of auto accidents, to know how to react in order to protect your rights and to make sure that you do not make errors that can end up costing you a lot of money. There are certain things that you should take to stay in control with the situation. When you are involved in an auto accident, do not leave the scene of the accident because it is against the law and it will be difficult to know who cause the accident. Get medical attendance right away. If there is already a police, you need to make an official report so you are protected with your legal rights in the future. Also, you can write down important details such as the names, phone numbers, license plate numbers and addresses of the other persons involved in the accident with you or who has witnessed the accident. Many people Have cell phone with camera, if possible, you can take pictures of the auto accident scene. Never, never discuss the accident with anybody at the scene of the accident other than your auto accident lawyers.
In today’s fast paced world auto accidents occur too frequently. There are different consequences. Majority results are minor property claims. Some car accidents result in substantial property damage, serious personal injury or death. The instantaneous aftermath of a serious auto accident are simply overwhelmed by the barrage of telephone calls, insurance paperwork, accident reports, treatment costs, medical bills, paperwork and other correspondence that are received immediately after an auto accident. It is almost unworkable for someone who has been severely injured and in the process of recovering to delve into this mass of paperwork, procedures and deadlines. Most of the time, while victims are under treatment for their injuries, the insurance companies are trying to mitigate their damages through personal injury payout or auto accident settlement. As a result of these instantaneous aftermaths, car accident victims do not receive reasonable compensation to which they are entitled hence the need to hire am auto accident lawyer.
Personal injuries can range from minor to critical state. As a result, this involves hospitalization, therapy, ongoing medical visits and loss of income. These things can be recovered through the assistance of skilled auto accident lawyers. Insurance companies usually defend accident cases. Their goal is to make and accumulate as much money as possible then pay the victem as little as they can get away with. On the other hand, an experienced auto accident lawyer uses his knowledge and expertise for the client’s advantage. Auto accident lawyers are the most credible persons to advice you of your legal rights and options and defend you in your legal battles. You should get the services of an auto accident lawyer early on in order to be enlightened and be assured of your case.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Arizona - What happens when you get a DUI?
What happens when you get a DUI? This is one of the most common questions asked to DUI lawyers. When you ask lawyers this question, you do not always get straight answers because each circumstance can be different. According to a website, DUI.com, the most common penalties for first time DUI in Phoenix, Arizona are as followed.
- $250 fine, can be as high as $2500 plus surcharges
- Spend a day in jail, Maybe longer depending on the seriousness of the charge
- Get probation usually for one year, but possibly for up to five years
- Submit to a drug/alcohol evaluation
- Your driver's license suspended for a minimum of 90 days
So what is the ramification of Getting a DUI in Phoenix, Arizona?
First off – getting a DUI will definably cost you money, no matter how you slice it. Your First offense will be $250 - $2500 plus local fees, penalties and assessments for total of $1300 - $3500. Now this does not include any lawyers fees –which can be from $500.00 to $15,000 depending on if you’re in a small town or large metro area like Phoenix, Arizona. Generally speaking the more experienced the lawyer (and you do want an experienced lawyer) the more it will cost.
There are social headaches of getting a DUI as well. A charge of DUI/DWI can have serious ramifications on a defendant's driver's license, criminal record and ability to work and function in society. Some employers may decline in hiring someone because of a felony level DUI. Jail time can put a huge dent on any commitment you are due to keep while you are still incarnated
So ask yourself before getting behind the wheel after drinking if it’s really worth it. Based on the above, be safe – not sorry and take a cab ride home which is downright cheap.
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- $250 fine, can be as high as $2500 plus surcharges
- Spend a day in jail, Maybe longer depending on the seriousness of the charge
- Get probation usually for one year, but possibly for up to five years
- Submit to a drug/alcohol evaluation
- Your driver's license suspended for a minimum of 90 days
So what is the ramification of Getting a DUI in Phoenix, Arizona?
First off – getting a DUI will definably cost you money, no matter how you slice it. Your First offense will be $250 - $2500 plus local fees, penalties and assessments for total of $1300 - $3500. Now this does not include any lawyers fees –which can be from $500.00 to $15,000 depending on if you’re in a small town or large metro area like Phoenix, Arizona. Generally speaking the more experienced the lawyer (and you do want an experienced lawyer) the more it will cost.
There are social headaches of getting a DUI as well. A charge of DUI/DWI can have serious ramifications on a defendant's driver's license, criminal record and ability to work and function in society. Some employers may decline in hiring someone because of a felony level DUI. Jail time can put a huge dent on any commitment you are due to keep while you are still incarnated
So ask yourself before getting behind the wheel after drinking if it’s really worth it. Based on the above, be safe – not sorry and take a cab ride home which is downright cheap.
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