I have complied my second batch of humor of Lawyer Jokes with a little break in seriousnes of this blog. Listed below is group of Q&A in humor form, Enjoy
Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: A party.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.
Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A: Just say, "Fees!"
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.
Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.
Showing posts with label Lawyer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lawyer. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Monday, July 26, 2010
Robert Shapiro: Who Is The Lawyer Who Quit On Lindsay Lohan?
Robert Shapiro: Who Is The Lawyer Who Quit On Lindsay Lohan?
Lindsay’s first lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, dropped the starlette. Then last night, on the eve of her imprisonment, Lindsay’s new lawyer Robert Shapiro quit. It seems like a harsh thing to do less than 24 hours away from your client being locked up, but Lindsay is clearly unmanageable.
Robert has worked with many A-list names over his career, catching his big break into the celebrity world when he represented Johnny Carson for DUI and is most well known as part of OJ Simpson’s dream team. Other clients include Darryl Strawberry, José Canseco, Christian Brando, Linda Lovelace, and the Kardashians. He has a solid track record and is known for being a plea bargainer.
Lindsay’s first lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, dropped the starlette. Then last night, on the eve of her imprisonment, Lindsay’s new lawyer Robert Shapiro quit. It seems like a harsh thing to do less than 24 hours away from your client being locked up, but Lindsay is clearly unmanageable.Robert has worked with many A-list names over his career, catching his big break into the celebrity world when he represented Johnny Carson for DUI and is most well known as part of OJ Simpson’s dream team. Other clients include Darryl Strawberry, José Canseco, Christian Brando, Linda Lovelace, and the Kardashians. He has a solid track record and is known for being a plea bargainer.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Finding A Good Mesothelioma Attorney
There are legal help now available to sufferers of mesothelioma which caused by inhalation of asbestos particles. Therefore, mere knowledge is just not enough for sufferers to get a fair deal for mesothelioma compensation. They need to find the right lawyer to fight their case for compensation. It is possible to look for the competence of the attorney through their settlement record.
Helping sufferers to identify the source of mesothelioma is important for a good successful mesothelioma compensation claims. Only an experienced mesothelioma attorney knows how to do it. Most of the law firms respect their client’s confidentiality. Many mesothelioma and asbestos attorneys provide a toll-free help line for mesothelioma victims. Expert lawyers specializing in mesothelioma compensation lawsuits examine the financial health of the entity responsible for asbestos exposure for deciding the best legal approach. The parameters for dealing with a firm that's no longer around are different from the ones for a legally bankrupt entity. The next step involves entering into settlement negotiations with the defaulting unit.
Many mesothelioma lawyers have websites allow the sufferers to obtain free evaluation of their asbestos-related mesothelioma claim. An inaccurate assessment can damage the potential value of the claim. Accurate identification of the specific asbestos-linked products is important for settlement. An experienced mesothelioma lawyer or law firm does it thorough investigation and review of past cases relating to a particular place before filing a claim.
An efficient lawyer will file in the lawsuit in a territory that has fast-track courts. Speedy settlement is obviously in the interest of the mesothelioma sufferers and their family. An experienced mesothelioma attorney usually has a nationwide network and an impressive mesothelioma compensation settlement-record. It is a very high specialized legal field and only a few lawyers and law firms have the right experiences to claim nationwide recognition.
Helping sufferers to identify the source of mesothelioma is important for a good successful mesothelioma compensation claims. Only an experienced mesothelioma attorney knows how to do it. Most of the law firms respect their client’s confidentiality. Many mesothelioma and asbestos attorneys provide a toll-free help line for mesothelioma victims. Expert lawyers specializing in mesothelioma compensation lawsuits examine the financial health of the entity responsible for asbestos exposure for deciding the best legal approach. The parameters for dealing with a firm that's no longer around are different from the ones for a legally bankrupt entity. The next step involves entering into settlement negotiations with the defaulting unit.
Many mesothelioma lawyers have websites allow the sufferers to obtain free evaluation of their asbestos-related mesothelioma claim. An inaccurate assessment can damage the potential value of the claim. Accurate identification of the specific asbestos-linked products is important for settlement. An experienced mesothelioma lawyer or law firm does it thorough investigation and review of past cases relating to a particular place before filing a claim.
An efficient lawyer will file in the lawsuit in a territory that has fast-track courts. Speedy settlement is obviously in the interest of the mesothelioma sufferers and their family. An experienced mesothelioma attorney usually has a nationwide network and an impressive mesothelioma compensation settlement-record. It is a very high specialized legal field and only a few lawyers and law firms have the right experiences to claim nationwide recognition.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A Lawyer helping a Texas family suing in second-hand mesothelima case
A lawyer helping a Texas family in filing a lawsuit against Exxon Mobile Corp. and Royal Dutch Shell, claiming that a family member who washed the clothes of some of the men who worked for these companies contracted and died from mesothelioma. This second-hand asbestos exposure lawsuit alleges that these companies did not warn their employees of the dangers associated with working in plants where they might be exposed to asbestos. Recently, there have been a high amount of second-hand exposure asbestos lawsuits filed by those who have not been directly exposed to toxic asbestos fibers. Those most affected by second-hand exposure to asbestos are wives who wash clothes that have been exposed to asbestos and children whose fathers' hold them after returning home from work where they are exposed.
Mesothelioma lawsuits have continued to rise in recent years due to mesothelioma's latency period. This number is expected to peak in 2010. The first asbestos case was filed in 1929, and since then there have been over 600,000 similar lawsuits filed in the United States.
If you or someone you know has been diagnosed with mesothelioma, contact the Houston mesothelioma lawyers of Williams Kherkher, L.L.P. by calling 800-781-3955.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Where Was His Lawyer During Joran van der Sloot's Confession?
Although, Joran van der Sloot was charged of killing someone as foreigners visiting Peru, he should have had a lawyer at his side during his confession. Most people here in the US never expect to be charged with a crime, there can be a time when it can happen. These types of charges can range form warrants being issued for aid traffic tickets to individuals filing lawsuits against you. The best time to prepare for being charged with a crime is before it ever happens.
No matter which type of crime you are charged with, the proceedings will usually happen in a predetermined way. First, a warrant will put for your arrest. If a warrant is issued against you, you will usually be notified of the warrant by being served. Being served means that a police officer will locate you and deliver your warrant papers in person. On rare occasions, a person is arrested before being served with a warrant. In these cases, the arresting officer must show the warrant papers within a reasonable amount of time after the arrest has been made.
After you have been arrested, you will be taken to the police station to be booked. Being booked means that you will be fingerprinted and a file will be opened regarding your case. After being booked, you will generally spend a short amount of time in jail while you await your initial hearing and arrange payment for bail.
While you are in jail, you are allowed to contact an attorney. Any person charged with a crime has the right to seek legal representation. It is very important that you at least meet with an attorney before your initial hearing. If you cannot afford an attorney, or you have not chosen an attorney yet, the court can and must appoint a lawyer for you.
During the initial hearing, you will be asked to make a plea of guilty, not guilty or no contest. Your attorney will advise you as to which plea is most favorable for your situation. Even if you are guilty you may opt to plead not guilty. Some defendant's choose to do this if they feel that the prosecutor does not have enough evidence against them to prove their case. If you plead not guilty, you will be given a trial in which it is the responsibility of the prosecution to prove your guilt. If you plead guilty or no contest, you will not be given a trail, rather you will go straight to a sentencing hearing. If you are proven not guilty at your trial, you will be released from custody. If you are found guilty, you will be given a sentencing hearing.
To insure that all of your rights are protected and that you receive the least sentencing possible, it is important that you hire a competent attorney and become knowledgeable about all of your rights. Joran van der Sloot probrably didn't know of all his rights when he made that confession
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=b6526960-74e7-4f84-bed2-65b52a58a087)
No matter which type of crime you are charged with, the proceedings will usually happen in a predetermined way. First, a warrant will put for your arrest. If a warrant is issued against you, you will usually be notified of the warrant by being served. Being served means that a police officer will locate you and deliver your warrant papers in person. On rare occasions, a person is arrested before being served with a warrant. In these cases, the arresting officer must show the warrant papers within a reasonable amount of time after the arrest has been made.
After you have been arrested, you will be taken to the police station to be booked. Being booked means that you will be fingerprinted and a file will be opened regarding your case. After being booked, you will generally spend a short amount of time in jail while you await your initial hearing and arrange payment for bail.
While you are in jail, you are allowed to contact an attorney. Any person charged with a crime has the right to seek legal representation. It is very important that you at least meet with an attorney before your initial hearing. If you cannot afford an attorney, or you have not chosen an attorney yet, the court can and must appoint a lawyer for you.
During the initial hearing, you will be asked to make a plea of guilty, not guilty or no contest. Your attorney will advise you as to which plea is most favorable for your situation. Even if you are guilty you may opt to plead not guilty. Some defendant's choose to do this if they feel that the prosecutor does not have enough evidence against them to prove their case. If you plead not guilty, you will be given a trial in which it is the responsibility of the prosecution to prove your guilt. If you plead guilty or no contest, you will not be given a trail, rather you will go straight to a sentencing hearing. If you are proven not guilty at your trial, you will be released from custody. If you are found guilty, you will be given a sentencing hearing.
To insure that all of your rights are protected and that you receive the least sentencing possible, it is important that you hire a competent attorney and become knowledgeable about all of your rights. Joran van der Sloot probrably didn't know of all his rights when he made that confession
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Mesothelioma Lawyer: Getting Whats Best For You
If you are reading this blog, there is a chance that either you or a loved one is in search of a Mesothelioma lawyer. My aim is to help give you gain some confidence by building guidelines so that your work can becomes easy and you can be more informed on different ways for selecting a mesothelioma lawyer.
There are several important issues to consider while choosing a Mesothelioma lawyer
The first and most important qualification to look for in your mesothelioma lawyer is experience. You need a tough Mesothelioma lawyer that is accomplished at pushing forth, convincing arguments through the judicial system so that you can be adequately represented and compensated. It might be a good idea to check how many cases this Mesothelioma lawyer has recently handled and what were the outcomes of these cases.
Next important thing is to get a feel of the lawyer’s ability to understand, empathize and recount your story. Mesothelioma lawyers have to be very convincing in proving to the courts beyond a shadow of doubt that your work related asbestos exposure is responsible for your physical, mental and financial plight.
You will need to provide your Mesothelioma lawyer with all the facts such as employee records that will show the evidence of your asbestos exposure, scientific and medical evidence of your cancer diagnosis (such as x-rays and pathology reports) to substantiate your case.
Another very important consideration is the cost. Remember, costs are not necessarily a yardstick of quality. My suggestion is to carefully balance the experience of the Mesothelioma lawyer with the affordability of the fees. If costs are an issue, you should be some additional ways to save. You could ask for a junior mesothelioma lawyer or paralegal for the basic and routine tasks, or you might even consider doing some of the work and researches yourself.
Ask your lawyer to outline of the whole process of how the case will roll out. You need to understand clearly on what will be your role and responsibilities in the legal process. You should be completely focused on your purpose of retribution. Some mesothelioma lawyers also work on a contingent fee basis on what they receive a part of the compensation as the fee and do not charge any fee if you do not win your case.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=5eb64372-b95a-475f-8680-1c8f9c0cfee5)
There are several important issues to consider while choosing a Mesothelioma lawyer
The first and most important qualification to look for in your mesothelioma lawyer is experience. You need a tough Mesothelioma lawyer that is accomplished at pushing forth, convincing arguments through the judicial system so that you can be adequately represented and compensated. It might be a good idea to check how many cases this Mesothelioma lawyer has recently handled and what were the outcomes of these cases.
Next important thing is to get a feel of the lawyer’s ability to understand, empathize and recount your story. Mesothelioma lawyers have to be very convincing in proving to the courts beyond a shadow of doubt that your work related asbestos exposure is responsible for your physical, mental and financial plight.
You will need to provide your Mesothelioma lawyer with all the facts such as employee records that will show the evidence of your asbestos exposure, scientific and medical evidence of your cancer diagnosis (such as x-rays and pathology reports) to substantiate your case.
Another very important consideration is the cost. Remember, costs are not necessarily a yardstick of quality. My suggestion is to carefully balance the experience of the Mesothelioma lawyer with the affordability of the fees. If costs are an issue, you should be some additional ways to save. You could ask for a junior mesothelioma lawyer or paralegal for the basic and routine tasks, or you might even consider doing some of the work and researches yourself.
Ask your lawyer to outline of the whole process of how the case will roll out. You need to understand clearly on what will be your role and responsibilities in the legal process. You should be completely focused on your purpose of retribution. Some mesothelioma lawyers also work on a contingent fee basis on what they receive a part of the compensation as the fee and do not charge any fee if you do not win your case.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Arizona - What happens when you get a DUI?
What happens when you get a DUI? This is one of the most common questions asked to DUI lawyers. When you ask lawyers this question, you do not always get straight answers because each circumstance can be different. According to a website, DUI.com, the most common penalties for first time DUI in Phoenix, Arizona are as followed.
- $250 fine, can be as high as $2500 plus surcharges
- Spend a day in jail, Maybe longer depending on the seriousness of the charge
- Get probation usually for one year, but possibly for up to five years
- Submit to a drug/alcohol evaluation
- Your driver's license suspended for a minimum of 90 days
So what is the ramification of Getting a DUI in Phoenix, Arizona?
First off – getting a DUI will definably cost you money, no matter how you slice it. Your First offense will be $250 - $2500 plus local fees, penalties and assessments for total of $1300 - $3500. Now this does not include any lawyers fees –which can be from $500.00 to $15,000 depending on if you’re in a small town or large metro area like Phoenix, Arizona. Generally speaking the more experienced the lawyer (and you do want an experienced lawyer) the more it will cost.
There are social headaches of getting a DUI as well. A charge of DUI/DWI can have serious ramifications on a defendant's driver's license, criminal record and ability to work and function in society. Some employers may decline in hiring someone because of a felony level DUI. Jail time can put a huge dent on any commitment you are due to keep while you are still incarnated
So ask yourself before getting behind the wheel after drinking if it’s really worth it. Based on the above, be safe – not sorry and take a cab ride home which is downright cheap.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=da9bae52-3153-4770-a4bb-ba81bb95e2e3)
- $250 fine, can be as high as $2500 plus surcharges
- Spend a day in jail, Maybe longer depending on the seriousness of the charge
- Get probation usually for one year, but possibly for up to five years
- Submit to a drug/alcohol evaluation
- Your driver's license suspended for a minimum of 90 days
So what is the ramification of Getting a DUI in Phoenix, Arizona?
First off – getting a DUI will definably cost you money, no matter how you slice it. Your First offense will be $250 - $2500 plus local fees, penalties and assessments for total of $1300 - $3500. Now this does not include any lawyers fees –which can be from $500.00 to $15,000 depending on if you’re in a small town or large metro area like Phoenix, Arizona. Generally speaking the more experienced the lawyer (and you do want an experienced lawyer) the more it will cost.
There are social headaches of getting a DUI as well. A charge of DUI/DWI can have serious ramifications on a defendant's driver's license, criminal record and ability to work and function in society. Some employers may decline in hiring someone because of a felony level DUI. Jail time can put a huge dent on any commitment you are due to keep while you are still incarnated
So ask yourself before getting behind the wheel after drinking if it’s really worth it. Based on the above, be safe – not sorry and take a cab ride home which is downright cheap.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
DUI Lawyers in Singapore ?? None?
Recently there was news in Singapore about a Romanian Guy who was involved in a Hit and Run case that was suspected to be driving under the influence of alcohol . Somehow this case has gone unexpectedly wrong. It seems that he has done more than a hit and run . He is now on a catch me if you can as he has left Singapore and seek refuge back in his country.
Why did he run ?
Was there a lack of DUI lawyers in Singapore ? Maybe there is just a lack of DUI cases in Singapore to even have specialize DUI lawyers to begin with . Maybe that is the reason Romanian embassy official, Dr Silviu Ionescu fled . Or maybe it was just that he knew he was guilty as charge and knowing how strict Singapore was he decided the best thing to do was run.
It seems that insufficient information could be gathered when searching for a Dui lawyer in Singapore . There has not been many cases of Driving under the influence of alcohol in Singapore and most of the cases ended badly for the accused . Usually the accused would often face jail time even for the first offense . This could commonly be said as most of the lawyers here are not fully experience to handle DUI cases.
So the important factor is where do you look for if you need to find a good Dui lawyer? Most specialize DUI lawyers are commonly found in countries like in the United State of America and in most countries than have a high rate of DUI cases.
Anyway here is the link if you would like to read about the Romanian hit and run case in Singapore .
http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/3552/4124/298364
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=c95bb821-58a8-47df-af18-02e4505b5dab)
Why did he run ?
Was there a lack of DUI lawyers in Singapore ? Maybe there is just a lack of DUI cases in Singapore to even have specialize DUI lawyers to begin with . Maybe that is the reason Romanian embassy official, Dr Silviu Ionescu fled . Or maybe it was just that he knew he was guilty as charge and knowing how strict Singapore was he decided the best thing to do was run.
It seems that insufficient information could be gathered when searching for a Dui lawyer in Singapore . There has not been many cases of Driving under the influence of alcohol in Singapore and most of the cases ended badly for the accused . Usually the accused would often face jail time even for the first offense . This could commonly be said as most of the lawyers here are not fully experience to handle DUI cases.
So the important factor is where do you look for if you need to find a good Dui lawyer? Most specialize DUI lawyers are commonly found in countries like in the United State of America and in most countries than have a high rate of DUI cases.
Anyway here is the link if you would like to read about the Romanian hit and run case in Singapore .
http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/3552/4124/298364
Friday, May 28, 2010
Where can you find a Lawyer or an Attorney
I am creating this blog to help many on a basic needs for a lawyer or an attorney without many legal mumble jumble. There are different kinds of attorneys that is too many to list in one fallen scoop. However, many of us like to think we’ll be around forever or at least we act that way, never giving thought to the necessary make plans for dying or the possibility of getting into an accident or becoming a victim to someone else’s carelessness. So if and when these unfortunately things happen, we suddenly are forced to run around looking for legal advice or assistance. This is why it helps to have the name of a good local lawyer or attorney on hand.
You can start by checking your city’s legal directory or bar association for the name of a general practice attorney who can help you with many different legal questions in which includes estate planning, making a will, preparing a power of attorney for an elderly relatives, arranging guardianship, helping with some debt management, and offering legal counsel for your other matters. You could set up a first meeting to introduce yourself and provide a personal overview. Your attorney can ask about certain areas of your life that could help you in legal direction, or you may want to discuss certain areas that you are not clear on.
If your city does not have a local bar association, you can try contacting the state bar association and request a referral to a licensed practicing attorney in your area. You also might want to try browsing the Internet and visit websites of law firms that specialize in the kinds of law that might be needed to your situation. For example, if you were recently involved in a car accident, you may want to find an attorney who handles personal injury or property damage insurance claims. Or if your elderly parents needs help in paying her bills due to declining physical or mental stability, an lawyer can help you arrange for power of attorney or a guardianship.
Of course, you can always use the yellow pages of the telephone directory and call different law firms listed there when you find one or more ads that appeal to you. Word of mouth is another great way to find out which attorneys come recommended from family members, coworkers, and friends. Some legal firms advertise in the newspaper, on TV, on outdoor signs or on the radio.
You really shouldn't wait until you are in a need for an attorney before contacting one. Consider making a living will in case you are seriously injured or become gravely ill in the future, and a regular will for making final arrangements for your demise, which all of us must expect one day. You also can manage your financial holdings with an attorney’s assistant so that they are ready to pass down when a minor child comes of age. Whatever your personal circumstances, a lawyer may be able to help you get fair terms and benefits to which you are entitled. So start searching today so you will have the name of a lawyer handy when your time of need comes around.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=12a0a47d-669d-4e9d-a23f-34902259aa43)
You can start by checking your city’s legal directory or bar association for the name of a general practice attorney who can help you with many different legal questions in which includes estate planning, making a will, preparing a power of attorney for an elderly relatives, arranging guardianship, helping with some debt management, and offering legal counsel for your other matters. You could set up a first meeting to introduce yourself and provide a personal overview. Your attorney can ask about certain areas of your life that could help you in legal direction, or you may want to discuss certain areas that you are not clear on.
If your city does not have a local bar association, you can try contacting the state bar association and request a referral to a licensed practicing attorney in your area. You also might want to try browsing the Internet and visit websites of law firms that specialize in the kinds of law that might be needed to your situation. For example, if you were recently involved in a car accident, you may want to find an attorney who handles personal injury or property damage insurance claims. Or if your elderly parents needs help in paying her bills due to declining physical or mental stability, an lawyer can help you arrange for power of attorney or a guardianship.
Of course, you can always use the yellow pages of the telephone directory and call different law firms listed there when you find one or more ads that appeal to you. Word of mouth is another great way to find out which attorneys come recommended from family members, coworkers, and friends. Some legal firms advertise in the newspaper, on TV, on outdoor signs or on the radio.
You really shouldn't wait until you are in a need for an attorney before contacting one. Consider making a living will in case you are seriously injured or become gravely ill in the future, and a regular will for making final arrangements for your demise, which all of us must expect one day. You also can manage your financial holdings with an attorney’s assistant so that they are ready to pass down when a minor child comes of age. Whatever your personal circumstances, a lawyer may be able to help you get fair terms and benefits to which you are entitled. So start searching today so you will have the name of a lawyer handy when your time of need comes around.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)